just another birthday

 It happens that today is my 18th birthday. An important date for everyone usually, but it kind of feels odd today. Even though turning 18 is something special, something that allows you way more freedom than ever before, for me it feels like something is missing, and that is because of my family being in Germany.

I was born on the 22nd of October in 2003 after midnight, and it was a special day already because of my dad, as his birthday is the 22nd as well. He told me that on that day he did not plan to do anything special, it was his 33rd birthday, he was just watching television and being alone by himself as my mother was in the hospital. That night he got a phone call from the nurse and she said that he would miss my birth if he does not rush to the hospital, which he did now 18 years ago, and what already created the first big part of our bond that lasts till today.

My father and I have always been celebrating our birthdays together as it was the best for both of us to share our happiness with the rest of our family and friends, even though the beginning went not as smoothly as it could have been. I know today that I apparently used to cry about having my birthday the same day as my day as I wanted that day to be solely for me. 

A lot of things changed during the last decades of course, and our last two birthdays should have been the most important for us to celebrate so far, my dad's 50th in 2020 and my 18th in 2021, but sadly Covid-19 turned our expectations for the first big party down, and with me moving to the United States to begin my studies we also had to postpone the second big party for my 18th and my dad's 51st birthday. 

And there is one thing that I have to admit about it now, that I was alone for the first time on my birthday: it felt sad and dreary that day. It was the first time I "celebrated" my birthday alone without my family before, without my dad whose birthday was always a part of mine, it was like a ritual for us to be the first to congratulate. I did not do anything special that day but called my family and talked about it because even though some might say a birthday for oneself is good as it is normally the case, it did not feel good for me, and from that experience, I can definitely say that I feel happy for this coincidence that brought me even closer to my dad than I imagined in the beginning.